Si Lance Paminta

I kept on hearing stories similar to Lance. And whenever I am being introduced to a vacationing OFW (from the ME), I could not help but have this ambivalent feeling that the encounter with the man before me who's got this shiny smooth complexion and tantalizing eyes (not sure if it is because of his semi-plucked brows), is one of the third kind.

You see, Lance is working as Administrator in Saudi Arabia. There, apart from his work, he joins organizations whose members claim themselves FREE as a bird. Lance's into sports. Well, if joining other freebirds screaming while watching men perspire their exposed brawns on court could be considered as one, then Lance is into it.

He's into shopping too. He frequents signature boutiques and toys expensive stuffs. Most of all, Lance's into relationship. Lance enunciates his Saudi-barred life to a partner. And mind you, this is not mere spending quality time together, but actually "living-in" with a partner of the "same" sex.

Our sense of diversity would naturally tell us nothing's wrong with the situation.

But there is more to the equation. Lance is married (to a girl) in the Philippines. At home country, he's got three children, all innocent but bright kids ever so proud of their hardworking dad.

Lance's folks are equally proud too, but not in the case of the wife who seems the only one who knows his misgivings in terms of delayed remittances and absence of sweet-nothings during their chats and overseas conversations. But she knows too well not to let Lance's kids and folks know of such wariness, lest she causes a rupture to his image as a perfect father or grateful son, respectively. So the wife rather kept all her forebodings to herself, burying in her subconscious the bomb waiting to happen.

If you ask Lance how soon he intends to finally exit, he will give you figures. But the truth of the matter is, at the moment, he does not have the least intent.

For Lance, he ironically found freedom in a land where there is restricted expression. There, he can be with people of the same wavelength; get a taste of men with mutual benefits; and, flirt his way to the point of giving his hard-earned salary. All in the name of newly found freedom - in Saudi, Lance is who he really is.

Like his wife with a bomb, Lance's got a clock. But more than alarm, its tick is tuning a question that begs to be answered. Though he tries his best to shut it up, it creeps and constantly bogs his mind.

Years have already passed since he took his first step in the scorched part of the earth, but until now Lance's got no answer to the question - if is it really possible to swing from one side of the sexual fence to the other permanently?

Can he truly believe that he can win his own battle, and eventually emerge as "ex-gay"?