I Remember The Boy

Raymond’s exhausted body has been lying on the bed for almost an hour, but sleep seemed to elude it. The darkness that enveloped the entirety nor the soft breeze of A/C did not help either. As he heaved a deep breath and tightly hug his pillows in sheer desperation, he could not help but recall the past.

A while ago in the chatroom, a familiar nick popped in his laptop’s screen. He was latent. For few seconds, he got excited. Thereafter, he burst with anger. It never dawned upon him that such frivolous nick would train him down the memory lane. Memories which he thought have long been safely buried at the deepest part of his heart.

It seemed like only yesterday when he was bursting with love, happiness and contentment, and everything imaginable. Francis, one of the contenders for the title Mr.Riyad 2002, decided to live with him.

He got Francis everything he could ever want – colognes, TagHuer, O2, PS3, 24K neclace, and "so-you-name-it’s". He even sponsored Francis' basketball team, and allocated 1,500 riyals monthly allowance to be remitted to the latter’s family in the Philippines.

In a place where sadness seems pervading, Raymound found love. Love he knew to be a “convenient arrangement”, but love he thought would last nevertheless.

Back then, he was sure he made the right choice. Despite the forebodings of his fellow members of the Secret Society of Married Men in Riyad, Raymond decided to go for it. He was in love, and for once, he wasn’t going to regret it, because Francis loved him back, so he thought.

One day Francis disappeared without a word. Raymond tried to reach him – phone, chat, e-mail but to no avail. He found out later from a friend that Francis is now working in Jeddah flashing his melodious smiles at Byblos Restaurant. Everything would have been understandable except he could have said goodbye, but no.

Upon further investigation, Raymond learned that Francis is now “the papa” of another old gay with ultra-Lyna’ed face working in the HR Division of one big fruit product company.

However, the old gay managed to contract a big loan; it’s been months since his vacation and he’s to be nowhere to be found. Francis' employment maybe terminated anytime with slim chance of renewal due to his inept attitude towards work and frequent absences.

During the chat, Raymond agreed to meet Francis, since the former is on a business trip to Jeddah.

Now, as Raymond looks at the tall man standing before him and asking him to revive the “what-used-to-be’s”, he’s afraid to look at him in the eyes, afraid that he’d be taken aback.

An inner fear is growing within him, afraid that he would take Francis in his arms again. Afraid that he’d be too weak to resist his charms. Afraid to make the wrong decision, once again.

But Raymond managed to recall his agony, and what he had been through. It was like a murder a thousand times. Life now is so different from back then. He doesn’t even feel like he knows himself anymore.

"But I have to move on," he’s telling himself. He has to let it go whatever. Of him. Of himself. Of what once was. Of what will never be.

Yes, he remembers the the boy. Those sweet eyes .. that impeccable curly hair… that smooth moreno skin.

Yeah, he remembers perfectly well. That sweet deceptive smile… those evil lips that ask for “something to buy” whenever they speak.

“Huh! I remember him…” he tells himself. “But the feeling…naah!” he couldn’t quite figure it out.

(also available at the journal section of www.pic-link.com)